If you need a reference point I am the girl 'that doesn't even go here, wants to eat a cake made of rainbows and smiles and wishes we all just got along' If that reference goes straight over your head, I suggest you get off this blog and watch Mean Girls as a matter of urgency.
Don't take it so personally
Why are you so sensitive?
Toughen up
These are all phrases I've heard time and time again. Mostly from a place of love, sometimes because people would rather bat off emotions than support someone through them.
When you hear the phrase 'she's just very sensitive' it's not likely to conjure an image of a strong, sassy female Beyonce-ing the shit out of life. In fact it's probably quite the opposite. The idea of being emotional and sensitive comes with, in my opinion unjust, negative connotations. This isn't (for once) me being hyper sensitive, the stereotypes are really there. Sensitivity is seen as a roadblock in work and play - is she going to be able to hold her own, is she going to crumble into a crying wreck at the drop of a hat? The answer - sometimes yes, sometimes no. Think of a text book female CEO - she's a pant suit wearing boss babe, who takes no BS and has her emotions tucked up in neat little boxes. Just ask a man how he would feel about having a girlfriend who is highly emotional. Nine times out of ten you'll be met with a grimace, looks of sheer panic and eyes scanning for the nearest emergency exit.
If I could give you a pound for every time I've been made to feel a little bit silly for being emotional or a burden for my worries - well, lets just say you'd be swinging your Chanel handbag all up in here. So, I'm here to play cheerleader for all us cry babies and tell you why it's OK be the 'sensitive girl'.
'I just have a lot of feelings'
There are no two ways about it I am a delicate flower - not my words but they're as good as any. I feel things intensely, I cry often, I am a worrier, I have sympathy by the bucket load. I think about things a lot, analyzing and considering words that are spoken to me. I've been told on more than one occasion that I need to grow a thicker skin and toughen up. I wouldn't completely disagree with that. I let small things completely floor me and set me back ten steps at a time. That, of course, is something that could use a little improvement. Not because I am ashamed of the fact I let things affect me but for me I want to keep moving forward. With time I am sure I'll learn to brush of the insignificant a little better but you can be sure as hell they'll be tears along the way.
One thing I don't feel I need to hide or change is the fact I am a fundamentally sensitive soul. We all handle things in our own way. Some will get through a week without a single tear, their thoughts and feelings bubbling under the surface or safely under lock and key. Never to surface. Which, by the way, is also fine, I'll just never be that girl. Being strong and together is celebrated and admired - you couldn't say the same about being a little on the delicate side, could you? But don't get it twisted just because an ill thought out comment will play in my head a little longer or a sad story resonate a little deeper that does not make me weak in any way. This isn't about being out of control of your feelings, its just about having them.
I'll go on riding out the moments of nervousness, sadness, frustration, anxiety. I'll feel every single one of them. I won't always talk about them or know exactly how to deal with them. Sometimes they'll be fleeting moments, others will take there time to fade away but they will be there.
So let's quit telling women, and men for that matter, to stop being over-sensitive or too emotional. It's kinda making me upset.
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